Embarking on a shared journey of training horses with your spouse can be a deeply rewarding experience, blending a passion for animals with a commitment to a shared business. However, as many couples discover, combining personal and professional lives, especially in a field as demanding as equine training, presents unique challenges. This article delves into the common hurdles couples face when training horses together and offers insights on how to foster a harmonious and productive partnership.
The initial excitement of building a business around a mutual love for horses can quickly be overshadowed by the realities of differing training philosophies and personal dynamics. “Don’t ever coach on someone you’ve seen naked,” quipped a seasoned trainer, a piece of advice that initially confused the author but later proved to be surprisingly relevant. Training horses with your spouse can indeed test the limits of a relationship, especially when disagreements arise over the best approach to starting a colt or refining a horse’s skills.
Understanding the Roots of Conflict
Passion for horses is a powerful motivator, but it can also be a source of friction. Both partners likely have years of experience and have cultivated distinct training styles that feel intrinsically “right.” When these styles clash, it’s not uncommon for arguments to erupt, as illustrated by the author’s experience of yelling across a round pen with her husband. The core of these disagreements often stems from a deep-seated belief in one’s own methods and a desire for the partnership’s product – the trained horse – to reflect that individual approach. This can lead to feelings of being at odds, rather than working as a cohesive unit.
Finding Harmony Through Strengths
The key to overcoming these challenges lies in recognizing and respecting each other’s strengths. Instead of focusing on what each partner dislikes about the other’s methods, a more constructive approach involves appreciating the unique talents each brings to the table. This might mean one partner excels at the initial, foundational stages of training, instilling calmness and confidence, while the other is adept at refining advanced maneuvers, asking for greater precision and a softer feel.
After considerable trial and error, the author and her husband adopted a strategy of “stepping out of each other’s way and living in our strengths.” This involves open communication about each other’s proficiencies and consciously focusing on the aspects of training they admire in each other’s work. This shift in perspective transforms potential conflicts into opportunities for collaboration.
Collaborative Training in Practice
By leveraging their individual strengths, the couple found they could produce some of the best horses they had ever trained. For instance, one partner might be skilled at “grinding a colt down” without exhausting them, while the other excels at the initial rides, maintaining a calm demeanor. Later, when a horse requires a softer touch or a more advanced skill like a harder stop, the other partner can step in. Similarly, if a colt needs to be pushed to perform a specific job, one partner might be better equipped to make them “handy.” This teamwork approach, coupled with a “tongue of kindness,” fostered a more aggressive advancement in their training, leading to superior results.
The principle extends beyond just the horses; it’s about fostering a relationship that mirrors the biblical quote, “If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or clanging cymbal” (1 Corinthians 13:1). Applying this to their partnership, they learned that love, respect, and open communication were as crucial to their success as any training technique.
Conclusion: Building a Stronger Partnership
Training horses together requires more than just a shared love for equines; it demands a commitment to understanding, communication, and mutual respect. By identifying individual strengths, fostering open dialogue, and consciously choosing to support rather than criticize, couples can transform potential conflicts into a powerful synergy. This collaborative spirit not only leads to better-trained horses but also strengthens the marital bond, creating a truly successful partnership both in and out of the round pen. Embracing this approach can turn a potentially divisive endeavor into a deeply fulfilling shared passion.
