Cat Behaviors

Do Cats Hold Grudges? Understanding Your Feline’s Behavior

Posted on by Jonh Luke

Understanding the moods and whims of our enigmatic cat companions is always a challenge, especially when they seem to be giving us the cold shoulder. We’re often desperate to understand why and mend the bond. Feline welfare charity International Cat Care explains that while living with cats should be a positive experience, they can sometimes face situations that put them under pressure. Cats internalize their stresses to avoid appearing vulnerable, making it difficult for us to understand their concerns. So, if your cat is acting distant, is it a sign of a grudge, or is there more to it?

Cats Protection clarifies that despite their sometimes aloof behavior, cats don’t hold grudges in the same way humans do. The change in behavior we interpret as a grudge is often a cat’s natural reaction to a stressful situation, serving as a way to protect themselves and avoid similar experiences in the future.

It’s Just My Way of Handling Stress

A common scenario illustrating this is a cat’s behavior after a visit to the vet, which many felines find stressful. Cats Protection explains that upon returning home, a cat might hide and avoid you for the rest of the day. This can seem like they’re holding a grudge for the ordeal, but it’s actually a natural stress response. They will hide away until their stress levels reduce.

Small animal veterinarian Catherine Barnette DVM notes that while cats exhibit behaviors that can resemble holding a grudge, their underlying motivations likely differ significantly from human resentment. In a human context, a grudge implies harboring long-term anger or resentment. It’s improbable that this is what drives a cat’s “cold shoulder” behavior. Dr. Barnette suggests that if you accidentally tripped over your cat and they are now avoiding you, it’s more likely because they want to prevent being tripped over again, rather than out of annoyance. She comments, “In a cat, signs of a grudge are more likely to be caused by fear or anxiety than anger or resentment.”

Companion animal vet Dr Rebecca MacMillan adds, “Cats don’t bear grudges in the same way that we do. Instead, they form associations with negative events.” This helps them avoid similar unpleasant experiences. For instance, a cat that accidentally fell down the stairs might avoid that area for a while out of fear of a repeat incident. “It’s a protective mechanism that would have also kept their wild ancestors safe.”

It’s Not You, It’s the Way I Remember Things

“Cats are incredibly intelligent, especially about things they don’t like and things that try to cause them harm,” adds Ed Malaker on Catster. While they might not hate you for placing them in a carrier for a vet visit, they will remember their dislike for the carrier and likely hide when it appears. Cats possess complex memories, similar to humans, with both long- and short-term recall. Their memory aids in forming strong bonds but also protects them from danger. The memory of the carrier ride to the vet will likely endure, rather than the act of being put inside it.

“Cats have different types of memory, just as people do,” comments Dr Rebecca MacMillan. She explains this includes working memory for decision-making, short-term memory for recalling information over minutes to days, and long-term memory for past events. “This appears to be more of a strength in cats, though there is no conclusive study on how long a cat’s long-term memory lasts. It is thought to be highly variable depending on the cat’s breed, health status, and age.”

Therefore, much like humans, cats remember negative past experiences and strive to avoid them. Dr. Macmillan notes, “A cat that remembers something bad happening will be keen to avoid it again, making it seem as though your feline friend has a grudge.” The duration of this avoidance behavior depends on the cause and the individual cat. “There is no definitive answer as to how long your cat will do this,” says Dr. Macmillan. “For many cats, minor misdemeanours seem to fall in the short-term memory category, so it is likely all will be forgiven within a few hours to days.”

How Do You Know If Your Cat Is Mad at You?

Here are some behaviors that your cat might display if they are feeling displeased:

  • Your cat hides or leaves the room when you enter.
  • They appear tense, stiff, or on high alert.
  • Their tail is swishing angrily from side to side.
  • Their ears are flattened against their head.
  • They arch their back and puff their tail out to appear larger.
  • Hissing or growling at you.
  • Swiping with their paws.
  • Lunging or biting.

Source: The Vets

How to Make Friends Again

If your cat is avoiding you, it’s natural to want to reconcile. However, expert advice suggests a subtle approach rather than overwhelming them with affection, rather than showering them with affection.

Dr Barnette suggests, “Avoid the temptation to force affection on your cat. While you may think that a good snuggle would smooth things over, that approach is likely to backfire. Forcing your cat to be held or petted is likely to make the problem even worse! Avoid the temptation to chase your cat around your home or continually call out to your cat (“here, kitty kitty!”). Extra attention is likely to make your cat even more anxious. Instead, remain calm and give your cat space. As time elapses without any stressful interactions, your cat’s comfort around you should eventually return.”

She recommends sitting a few feet away from your cat’s food bowl at mealtimes, encouraging your cat to approach without feeling pursued. If your cat has a favorite resting spot, moving it closer to your usual seating area can subtly encourage them to come near. “If your cat is playful, use toys that will allow your cat to engage from a safe distance, such as a teaser wand,” adds Dr. Barnette. “The goal is to encourage your cat to approach you, in a subtle and low-key manner.”

“If your cat has had a stressful experience, it can be tempting to make a big fuss of them as you try to beg for their forgiveness. However, this could just make them more stressed,” advises Cats Protection. “Leave them alone and wait for them to come to you when they are ready for some attention. You could then try offering them a small treat, their favourite toy or a gentle fuss to regain their trust.”

Ed Malaker on Catster emphasizes, “Patience, positive reinforcement, and creating a calm environment are essential to helping a cat feel more at ease. Providing treats and engaging in interactive play can help rebuild trust and improve the relationship. Cats may not ‘forget’ in the way humans do, but they can learn to forgive and move past negative experiences. Building positive associations and consistently providing a secure and enriching environment contribute to a cat’s ability to forgive.”

Dr Macmillan suggests trying these techniques to gently encourage your feline friend to trust you again:

  • Don’t invade their personal space: Avoid forcing affection by picking them up or petting them if they show resistance. This can increase their displeasure.
  • Sit quietly in the same room: Allow them to approach you. You can encourage this by placing their favorite toys or bedding near your spot.
  • Prepare their dinner: If they seem grumpy specifically with you, be the one to feed them. Prepare their favourite meal and remain nearby, but again, give your cat space.
  • Gently call and talk to them: If they respond, try engaging them with a favorite toy or treats.

She adds, “If your cat continues to seem generally out of sorts, then you may need to seek professional help. Get them checked by a vet to make sure there are no underlying health reasons as to why they are feeling a bit grumpy.”

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References

Jonh Luke

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