My career path has been a unique tapestry, woven with threads of editing, a deep love for animals, and ultimately, the creation of a novel. This journey, far from being linear, has profoundly shaped my writing, imbuing it with a perspective born from diverse experiences and a constant search for meaning. The mundane reality of office life, characterized by a soul-crushing monotony, was a catalyst for change. A sense of profound boredom and depression led me to seek professional help, where the simple question, “What would make you feel better?” opened the door to new possibilities.
I began creating and selling small zines around London, a tangible way to feel more connected to the world. Simultaneously, I found solace and purpose working at Battersea Dogs Home. Witnessing hundreds of abandoned dogs and forging connections with them offered a profound sense of making a difference, a stark contrast to the unfulfilling nature of my previous work. This desire to contribute and connect became a guiding principle.
Finding My Voice Amidst Life’s Demands
The transition from crafting zines to more substantial writing, like a novel, proved to be a slow and deliberate process. Zines were accessible, but sustained writing demanded a different kind of commitment. Life then presented its own unique set of challenges and opportunities. Becoming a single parent in the last seven years meant my days were often confined, yet my innate need to communicate and connect remained. Books became my companions, offering a sense of shared experience, and my therapist encouraged me to explore writing further. Though I initially felt “too old” to start, her gentle persuasion led me to embrace the challenge.
Balancing the demands of motherhood with a career and writing has been a significant undertaking. Without family support nearby, I’ve had to create a flexible structure. Starting my own cat-feeding and dog-walking business five years ago allowed me to manage my daughter’s schedule, especially during school holidays. This venture, though demanding and often requiring work throughout the year, doesn’t feel like traditional work. It’s about caring for pets, an extension of the same compassion I felt for animals at the dog’s home. This approach allows my daughter to accompany me on walks, integrating her into my professional life.
A pivotal moment in establishing a writing routine came after attending a course with Chelsea Hodson called “Finish What You Start.” Her guidance on creating a sustainable routine that fit my life was invaluable. The simple question, “What can you commit to?” led me to dedicate an hour a day to writing, a commitment that, over time, has yielded significant results. I resonate deeply with Karl Ove Knausgård’s perspective that having children, rather than hindering creativity, can actually alleviate the pressure of feeling that one must produce something of immense importance. This shifts the focus from external pressure to internal motivation.
Many writing courses address the difficulty of self-discipline. I experienced this myself, at times feeling overwhelmed and stressed by the act of writing. Chelsea Hodson’s advice to reframe writing not as a chore but as a privilege – “something you get to do,” “you get to hang out with your writing” – was transformative. This perspective shift reframes the creative process as a chosen activity, rather than an obligation, fostering a more positive and sustainable relationship with my work.
Exploring Obsession in “Happiness Forever”
My novel, Happiness Forever, delves into the complex nature of obsession and its profound entanglement with one’s sense of self. The idea was sparked by a fascination with how a profound sense of disconnection can manifest as an intense, all-consuming fixation on a single individual, often fueled by unrequited feelings. The concept of exploring obsession within the therapeutic relationship presented a unique narrative opportunity: the client can openly express their obsession, while the therapist, bound by professional ethics, must continue the relationship, creating a compelling dynamic.
This scenario resonates with the very nature of therapy, which often involves confronting and working through various forms of obsession, whether they are directed towards people, past experiences, or other ingrained patterns. The act of focusing this anxious energy onto the therapist becomes a central, and I believe, a rather clever, narrative device.
Translating this complex feeling into a legible narrative involved tapping into the visceral experience of obsession. I’ve recognized this pattern in myself throughout my life, from fixations on teachers to obsessive admiration of actors like Ryan Gosling, where I’d consume his entire filmography. This drive often stems from a fear of boredom and a desire to maintain the exhilarating intensity that obsession can provide. My research into the subject, including works like Lena Andersson’s Wilful Disregard and I Love Dick by Jill Solnit, further informed my understanding and portrayal of this powerful emotion.
The process of writing the book did, in some ways, alter my perception of obsession. The moment the character Conrad states, “You wouldn’t want someone else to base their life on you,” was a profound realization. Imagining someone being obsessively focused on me elicited a feeling of discomfort, a sense of it being “gross.” This self-reflection suggests a potential shift in my understanding, though I admit to still experiencing a degree of obsession myself, indicating that this is an ongoing exploration.
In many writing circles, there’s an emphasis on protagonist transformation. However, I found myself questioning this convention. My character, I felt, might not necessarily undergo a radical change, challenging the traditional narrative arc.
Unconventional Wisdom for the Creative Process
While dedicating an hour a day to writing proved immensely beneficial, not all advice has been equally helpful. I found structured approaches like those in The 90-Day Novel by Ottessa Moshfegh to be unworkable for my process. The idea of rigid planning felt artificial and counterproductive. I believe that the most compelling books often emerge from a more organic, extended gestation period. The key, I’ve found, is to choose a subject that genuinely obsesses you, something you wouldn’t mind contemplating daily.
The act of writing, with its infinite possibilities, can be both exhilarating and daunting. The freedom to create anything, to say anything, is a profound gift, even if the work may never be published. Remembering this inherent freedom—that writing is a space where one can truly do and say whatever they wish—is a constant source of inspiration and empowerment.
Recommendations for Fellow Creatives
- Sean Thor Conroe’s 1storypod: This podcast offers a unique experience of watching author Sean Thor Conroe read The Sound and the Fury with accompanying text on screen. It’s an uncannily perfect format for anyone who appreciates deep dives into literature. His four-hour conversation with Honor Levy is particularly insightful.
- Sheila Heti reading Pure Colour: Experiencing your favorite author read their work aloud, especially through an audiobook, feels like an unparalleled privilege. It’s an intimate and enriching way to engage with a story.
- Fleur Jaeggy’s I am the Brother of XX: Following her acclaimed novella Sweet Days of Discipline, this collection of short stories, including one titled “Adelaide,” showcases Jaeggy’s distinctive and captivating style.
- The Show About The Show by Caveh Zahedi: Zahedi’s films are renowned for their humor, honesty, and ability to foster a greater sense of empathy for the human experience. His ongoing work on a film about Ulysses is highly anticipated.
- Frith Street Tattoo, London: A personal favorite, this establishment embodies a unique aesthetic and atmosphere that resonates deeply.
